the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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