I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
