nut hugger
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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