Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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