so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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