Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
