I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
