apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
