i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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