My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
