Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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