Umm I'm too high to move.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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