he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
