that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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