I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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