I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
