On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
