I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
