drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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