wrigley field is MILF paradise
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
