What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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