YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
