dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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