3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
