There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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