Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
