I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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