I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
