Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
