I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You pole danced in your parka.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
