when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
