my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
