Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
