You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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