Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
