Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
