I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm passing your future prison.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
