well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
