You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
