I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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