I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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