Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
