All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
