great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
