My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
they're like a gay fantastic four
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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