Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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