How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
