i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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