Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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