you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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