I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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