We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
