party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
