i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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