I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
