im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
