I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
