I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
