I just made out with a guy for $7.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
and you fell through a lawn chair
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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