I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
