smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
