pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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