Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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