I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
