Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
