Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
