I'm jealous of your bromance
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
