OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
